


Falling Back (in Doom and Gloom)

by delighted



Series: A Cure for Doom and Gloom [4]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:48:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6140572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/delighted/pseuds/delighted
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the weekend, and Danny has the kids, while Steve goes surfing with Chin and Kono.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Saturday

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry that I didn't get this up over the weekend like I'd originally hoped to. But, uh, part five took me completely by surprise and left me feeling like I needed to sit on this one for a bit while part five sorted itself out. At any rate, here it is now, chapter one today, chapter two on Thursday. Nice good long(er) chapters. Part five will hopefully follow shortly after, once Danny and I stop feeling dizzy....! Ahem. At any rate, for those of you still with me on this one..... hope you enjoy it!

Danny awoke to Steve smiling warmly at him in the sleepy morning sunshine.

“Hey, babe,” he whispered fondly, not caring any longer if his filters were engaged or not. “You heading out to swim?”

“Naw,” Steve said. “I’ll be surfing all day with Chin and Kono, need to save my strength.” And he said it with a playful tone, but Danny rather suspected that there was a grain of truth in there. Kono may not be the surfer she once was, but Danny was pretty sure Steve was still intimidated by her prowess on the waves.

Danny grabbed his phone to check the time. He still had a while before he could get the kids. “Shall we have coffee on the beach anyway?”

The expression that lit up Steve’s face was related to a smirk, with a heavy dose of cat-that-got-the-cream, and a splash of told-you-so. “Enjoying that little morning routine, aren’t you?” He purred, and he snuggled into Danny’s side very much like the feline Danny was beginning to think Steve was.

Feeling his heart spill over, Danny laughed, and pulling Steve closer, kissed his head and whispered “Yeah, babe. I am.”

They stayed like that for quite a while, and Danny reflected again just how vital close physical contact had become to them both. And so very rapidly. But then, he knew, it had always been important. They’d just somehow brought it from the realm of playful embraces and arms slung around each other, past the more illicit realm of incidental cuddles on the sofa they’d been indulging in more and more frequently the past several months, to this more open realm of, well. Sleeping together.

“I’ll go make coffee, how fast can you shower?” Steve got up and looked the challenge into Danny’s eyes.

Danny smirked. “Oh, I’ve been practicing, babe. You’d be surprised.” And Steve’s eyes sparkled at that, with something like pride, something a little bit heated, and something else Danny couldn’t quite place, but it seemed a little bit sad. As soon as he thought that, Steve laughed it away.

“Ok, then, impress me,” he said, and headed downstairs.

Danny jumped out of bed and ran to the shower, glad he’d been only partly amusing himself, this whole week, when he’d been timing his showers, just to see. He had some serious motivation this morning though, because he was growing loathe to miss his morning-coffee-beach time, and he had tomorrow morning to make up for as well.

By the time he got downstairs, Steve had left a note on the kitchen counter that he was holding Danny’s coffee hostage on the beach.

“Not bad, Danno,” Steve called as Danny approached the chairs. “Room for improvement. But not bad.”

Danny shook his head and smiled, grabbing his coffee and kissing the top of Steve’s head. “Thanks, babe,” he said on a sigh as he settled into his chair. “I never would have imagined I’d get so used to this so fast.”

And there was that odd expression from Steve again... part warmth, part smugness, and a hint of sadness. “Me too, buddy.”

They sat for a while basking in the sun, Danny’s thoughts dwelling on his anxieties about his weekend with Grace. They hadn’t really talked much about Charlie—their time together having been more limited than usual for sixty seven different reasons, and frankly the whole thing just being so damned uncomfortable. But Danny was feeling that Grace might bring it up over the weekend. And it was making him a little bit stressed. Evidently Steve could feel the worry pouring off Danny, and he spoke first, just as Danny was beginning to think he might ask Steve....

“Hey, buddy, you worried about the weekend?”

Danny's heart warmed at Steve's perceptiveness. “Yeah, babe,” he sighed. “I just don’t know how to talk to Grace about her mother—about what she did. I can barely talk about it with you without crying or yelling... how can I do that to Grace? But I know she’s going to ask at some point. She’s been dancing around it for quite awhile now, we just haven’t had much opportunity for it, but we will this weekend....”

“Man, I just don’t know,” Steve said, shaking his head. “I wish I had the answers, Danny. But Gracie’s a smart girl, you know? And you’ve raised her well. She’ll figure it out, ok? Trust her. Just... be honest.” He smiled, and put a hand on Danny’s arm. “Be kind, but honest. She knows you’re hurting. There’s no way she doesn’t see that. You’ll think of what to say, I know you will.”

Danny closed his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.” He sighed, and looked across at Steve. “Thanks, babe.”

Steve smiled sadly. “Hey. That’s what I’m here for.”

They sat for awhile longer, Danny trying to store up both the calm sitting on the beach gave him, and maybe Steve's presence as well. Then Steve stood, and held his hand out to help Danny up. “We’d better get going, Danno. You don’t want to be late to get the kids.” And he pulled him into a hug, and whispered: “You’re going to be just fine, ok? Call me if you need to, I’ll have my phone on me.” And he led Danny back to the house, arm still wrapped tightly around his shoulders.

*

Danny was glad they’d decided on the aquarium for their little family outing. It was comfortable territory for him, having spent so much time there with Grace when they’d first moved to the island. Charlie hadn’t been yet, and Grace had been telling him about the Leafy Seadragons and the Hawaiian Monk Seals—in an effort, Danny suspected, to get Charlie interested in something other than fire trucks and cowboys. Considering Grace still seemed undecided about the fact that she and Charlie suddenly had to share Danno (and Danny knew the issue of why her mom had lied had been burning a hole in her pocket, so to speak) Danny had been relieved and delighted when Grace had suggested they take Charlie to “their” aquarium. She had so far been a little uneasy with sharing their Father/Daughter traditions with her little brother, so Danny was going to take every little bit he could.

But if he thought he was going to lead the day, he had not accounted for his daughter’s organizational skills. Grace had an itinerary all planned out, and Danny shook his head in disbelief as she took over, leading Charlie around to her favorite exhibits. They started with the seals as, she reasoned, they’re most active in the morning.

“They usually live alone,” Grace said. “So it’s nice that here they have each other. Maka onaona and Ho‘ailona were brought here as babies when they were sick, and they can’t go back to the ocean. But at least they have each other,” she explained to a wide-eyed Charlie, who was equally captivated by his big sister’s knowledge and the playful seals.

They watched the seals for a while, but then Grace wanted to make sure Charlie got to see the critters in the tide pool area before it got too busy. He was too timid to touch any himself, but was very impressed when Grace did. Danny never handled any of the slimy or spiky things either, so he sympathized with his son. Grace laughed at them both, and the boys bonded a little bit over that, which warmed Danny’s heart. Next stop on Grace’s list was the inside part of the aquarium, and the seahorses—specifically the Leafy Seadragons. Charlie was entranced by them, as Grace had said he would be, and they stayed for quite some time next to them.

While Charlie was lost in watching their soothing movements, Danny leaned in towards Grace. “You knew he’d like those,” he said in wonderment. “How?”

Grace smiled. “Well, they’re kind of impossible not to like, Danno,” and she rolled her eyes a little. “But, I don’t know.... They seem to have his spirit somehow? Light, playful, a little bit fragile... but still fierce.” Danny wasn’t fast enough to stop the tear that rolled down his cheek, and Grace reached up and wiped it away. “And surprisingly resilient, Danno.” Then she turned back to her little brother, and tried to get him to move on to the sharks.

Charlie and his dad shared a discomfort with the sharks as well, and Grace led them on to the sea turtles after not too long. Charlie liked them a bit, but after just a while he asked if they could go back to the seals. So they skipped the rest of the inside tanks, after Danny promised they’d come back again soon, and headed back outside.

As per tradition, their last stop was the gift shop. Grace, as she always did, already knew what she wanted, and headed directly over to the jewelry display, picking out a bracelet with, of course, a dolphin charm. Danny smiled at that, and felt a little mistiness creep into his eyes that his not-so-little girl still wanted such things, and from him. He bit his lip as Charlie dragged him over to the stuffed animals. Grace was past wanting the furry critters, so he was tickled that Charlie wanted one. He grabbed straight for one of the seals and wouldn’t put it down.

“Uncle Steve will be glad you chose a seal,” Grace said sweetly to Charlie.

He gave her a puzzled look, only beginning to have a vague sense of who Uncle Steve was. “Does he like seals?” Charlie asked.

“Yeah,” Grace replied with a smile. “He’s kind of related to them. Here, Danno, look. A seal mug. We should get this for Uncle Steve. He probably needs some cheering up.” She held up a large white coffee mug with bold block text that read “Team Hawaiian Monk Seal.”

“That’s really sweet, Grace,” Danny said fondly.

“Danno, aren’t you going to get something?” Charlie asked, tugging on Danny’s hand.

“Yeah, buddy? Like what?” Danny asked, kneeling down to face his son, touched at his thoughtfulness.

“Like a tee shirt, Danno.” Charlie pointed to a tee shirt that said “I (heart) seals.” And Danny felt his cheeks heat.

Grace laughed. “Uncle Steve would  _love_  that,” she said brightly, and grabbed a pale blue shirt in Danny’s size before he could say anything.

Danny rolled his eyes, but there was simply no way he was saying the word “no” to either of his kids today, so he paid for their selections and they headed out to the car, Grace holding the bag with their things, Charlie still holding on to his seal, and Danny between his children, holding their hands, and smiling hugely.

They took Charlie back to Rachel’s after that, because he still wasn’t quite up to being out for too long, and Danny did not want to incur the wrath of his mother by pushing things. Still, it was hard to say goodbye, and even harder that Charlie seemed to be relieved to be home. Grace seemed to pick up on that, so she suggested lunch at Danny’s favorite “almost like home” diner spot. It was mobbed, of course, but they managed to grab seats at the counter, and Grace didn’t really remember, but they’d done that back in Jersey at his favorite diner all the time when she was little, so it made him a bit misty eyed. Again. They shared a chocolate malt and blueberry pancakes and a plate of fries, and Grace made him promise they’d have salad for dinner. She told him it had been a wonderful day, and promised to tell him everything Charlie said about it afterwards.

“He talks about you a lot, you know, Danno,” she said, between sips of malt and bites of fries. “He doesn’t understand, I know, but I think he gets it on some level. He knows you’re more important than you used to be. Although, I think he always was a bit jealous of my time with you.”

Danny regarded his daughter thoughtfully. “Oh, yeah?” He asked, smiling.

Grace gifted him with one of her more sparkling smiles, which made his heart melt. “Yeah, Danno. I used to talk to him about you a lot.”

“Used to?” Danny kidded.

“Well, now he talks about you, so I don’t have to.”

“You don’t mind, do you?” Danny asked, slowly. “Sharing me?”

“I did, at first,” she admitted. “But he needs all the love he can get. And no one’s better at that than my Danno.”

And Danny was just blown away by the wisdom... and  _grace_... of his daughter. “How’d you get to be so smart?” He asked, punching her gently in the arm, and trying—and failing—to hold back the tears in his eyes.

She kissed him on the cheek. “Danno taught me,” she whispered.

They ate awhile in sweet silence, then headed to the grocery store for salad stuff for dinner, then went back to his place. Grace had some homework she needed to do, and Danny was feeling a little bit lost. He went through the photos he’d taken that morning at the aquarium, found one he’d had a docent take, of the three of them in front of the seals, and sent it to Steve.

He wasn’t expecting a reply, but got one almost immediately.  _Awesome family picture_ , it said. He texted back  _Thank you, babe. For everything_. The reply came right away.  _Always_.

Danny’d had just about enough raw emotions for one day, so he decided he may as well make use of the time at his house (and yes, he did notice he’d thought “house” and not “home,” but he wasn’t up for that conversation, thank you very much), so he set about doing some cleaning. He finished right around the same time Grace was done with her homework, and they went to the kitchen to make dinner together.

If Grace noticed that the fridge was even less well-stocked than usual, she didn’t say anything, but after they ate, and were settling onto the sofa to watch a movie, she asked if everything was ok with Melissa.

“What makes you ask that, monkey?” Danny replied.

“The house just seems really... empty,” she said.

“Yeah, monkey, everything’s fine. It’s just been busy at work, that’s all.” And, yeah, he was maybe stretching the truth a little bit, but it seemed to soothe her, and they settled back to watch their movie.

After Grace headed off to bed, Danny felt a little bereft. He’d gotten a few texts from Melissa, none of which he’d responded to, and he knew that was bad. He looked at her most recent message:  _Hope you all had a lovely day. Miss you_. And a little heart icon. He texted her back.  _Great day with the kids, exhausted, miss you too, xo_. He felt guilty about not calling, but he just didn’t have it in him to put on a brave front right now, and he really felt he needed to with her. He sighed, and startled when his phone beeped back at him. But it wasn’t from Melissa (who, he remembered, had said she would be out with friends). It was from Steve.  _How you holding up, buddy? Need to talk?_  And Danny gasped and bit his lip to keep the tears from falling. He wrote back  _Yeah_. And put his phone down to rub his eyes. His phone rang almost immediately.

“Hey, babe,” he sighed.

“You doing ok, buddy?” Steve’s tone was weighted with concern, and Danny suspected Steve had spent rather a good part of the day worrying about him, and that did funny things to his insides.

“Yeah,” Danny sighed, and honestly, just hearing Steve’s voice was already doing a world of good, and oh, you guessed it, he was not about to think hard about that. “Yeah, it’s not awful.” And Steve laughed softly. “This morning was really nice. Grace was so great with him, sharing that place—she always called it our place, you know, so her wanting to take him there was huge, I think. It was good.” He paused to smile, remembering the mug she picked out for Steve. “She got you something at the gift shop.”

Danny could feel the grin. “Oh, yeah?” Steve said, and that tone... oh, it did things to Danny. It was warm, and honored, and touched, and just glowing, and it made Danny’s heart just expand with some really strange and wonderful something that he couldn’t name, but felt oddly familiar.

“Yeah,” Danny replied, smiling, and maybe blushing a bit as well. “I’ll bring it home tomorrow.” And, whoops.

“Good,” Steve replied, and yeah, he could have meant the gift, or he might just have been reacting to Danny’s slip. “I can’t wait.”

“So, how was your day?” Danny asked, and ok, he was deflecting. “Surfing go well?”

“Yeah, man, it was great, Danno, we missed you though.”

“You do anything else, babe?”

“I practiced some,” Steve said, maybe a bit proudly. “Working on a new song.”

Danny smiled. “That’s great, babe, I can’t wait to hear it.” And it was occurring to Danny that they sounded a lot like they’d been apart considerably longer than twelve or so hours.

“Did some chores,” Steve continued. “Mowed the lawn,” he paused. “Did your laundry,” and Danny could feel the smirk on that last bit.

“Babe, you didn’t,” he couldn’t help laughing.

“Well, I was doing mine, seemed silly not to just do yours too,” and the fondness in Steve’s tone was almost too much to take.

“I love you,” Danny replied.

“I know,” Steve smirked back. “I love you too. What do you want for lunches next week? I was going to go grocery shopping tomorrow.”

Danny was feeling almost giddy at the completely mundane domestic chatter. It had been so long since he’d had that, and he didn’t realize how much he’d missed it, although, if he thought about it, domestic chatter had never been this pleasant with Rachel. It always seemed hard. And, so far at least, with Steve, it was anything but.

“Hmmm,” he began. “I’m good with sandwiches or leftovers, babe.”

“Ok,” Steve replied, and Danny thought he sounded awfully happy over grocery shopping. “What time you think you’ll be home?”

“I drop Grace off after dinner, so maybe seven thirty or eight?”

“Sounds good, buddy,” Steve replied, then seemed to hesitate. “You, uh... you have that talk yet?”

Danny sighed. “No. Not yet.” And, not saying that she’d asked about Melissa felt like it was hanging there incredibly awkwardly, but he shoved it to the side. “Tomorrow, I think. We don’t really have anything planned, and I think she finished her homework today, so.... Yeah.”

Steve breathed out, and Danny could almost  _hear_  his longing to give him a hug. “Just relax, buddy. It’ll be fine.”

“Thanks, babe," and maybe he imagined the hug, which maybe hadn't been the best idea. “I wish you were here,” and he couldn’t believe that had slipped out.

He could feel the smirk from across the island. “Yeah, buddy, me too.”

Danny laughed softly. “What are you doing tomorrow besides shopping?”

“Oh, swimming a lot, I suppose,” Steve said lightly. “Might work on the Merc a bit, though that’s more fun with someone to hand me beer and tools,” and he sounded joking, but Danny knew it was very true.

“We could do that one night next week, babe, if you like.”

“Yeah?” Steve asked, and Danny could tell he was trying not to sound too excited.

“Yeah, babe, I really enjoyed it.”

“Ok, buddy, I’d like that. Thanks.”

Danny sighed. He’d talk to Steve all night if he let himself, but he knew that was a really bad idea for five or six different reasons. “I’d better get some sleep,” he started.

“Yeah, me too,” and Steve sounded as reluctant as Danny felt.

“Sleep well, babe,” Danny said and he knew he was tired because there were no filters engaged at all, and his tone was pure warmth and affection.

“You too, Danno,” came the equally warm response. “See you tomorrow night.”

Danny took a deep breath as he set his phone aside and turned over to try to go to sleep, but his mind was full of a muddle of thoughts and feelings, and he was tired enough that he couldn’t bring any of them into focus, or even begin to try to clear them out, so he just let them swirl around, and watched the things that stood out, like Charlie in front of the seals, and Grace drinking the chocolate malt, and Steve kissing his head, and Steve cooking for him, and Steve folding his clothes... and he huffed out a laugh and tried to shut his brain off before he saw a little more than felt wise.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Steve plays in this chapter, in case you want to listen....  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPk3SUzKBmY
> 
> And, just a little note... this chapter, to my mind, gets a little intense and feely. (Ok, ok, it made me cry when I was writing it.) So, tissue ready, or maybe not in public, or if you're already emotional, or... just... you've been cautioned.

Danny woke earlier than usual, and he blamed Steve. His room was well-protected from the morning sun, but evidently his body had gotten used to being up earlier. For the third time (or seventh, or eleventh, whatever) he panicked a little about just how quickly and easily they had become so completely comfortable with their closeness, their routine... their living together. He tried to calm himself down. After all, it was still new and fresh and they were working on stuff they both needed to face and were not going to do alone, and so it was intense and extraordinary, but it would pass. They’d get through what they needed to, and things would... normalize. They were just helping each other through a mutual time of need, that was all. Danny sighed and turned over, hitting his pillow, and staring a bit moodily at the empty space next to him.

He’d been expecting to miss Melissa. She was sweet, and she adored him, and that had been so much what he’d needed, what he’d thought he’d wanted. But the nagging voice in the back of his head that sounded an awful lot like Steve hadn’t really shut up since Steve had pointed out that she was kind of the anti-Rachel. Had that been why he’d fallen for her? Was there nothing else to it? He did remember being surprised at his infatuation with her. Not really the kind of girl he’d typically been drawn to.... Usually he went for dark, independent, sharp. Well, and, hi, that one had never worked out well for him, had it. But he had, if he thought about it, tended to go for partners who were rather more forceful and, frankly, pushed his buttons. Melissa was loving, she was fragile, she was young. Danny sighed. She was so young. That oh-so-helpful voice pointed out to Danny that it wasn’t just him who had developed the “when Grace is over Melissa doesn’t sleep over” rule. It had started with Melissa. She took those nights and made girls night dates with her friends, and if she shared what they did with Danny, he tended not to listen too much, lest it remind him of his sisters.

Danny rubbed his eyes and thought about getting up to make coffee. He groaned a little when he realized just how much he was missing having someone to make coffee for him.  _Crap_. Such a little thing. So insignificant. And yet. Rachel had never made coffee. She would only drink tea, and she never offered to make Danny’s coffee. He’d splurged on one of those programmable coffee makers, so he could set it at night and have it ready in the morning, because Danny was not very good at functioning until he’d had his coffee. He’d forgotten to set it last night. He laughed to himself as he sat up, silently cursing Steve McGarrett and all things related to Danny feeling far, far too comfortable living with him.

His phone beeped.  _Morning, buddy. Hope you slept well_. Danny huffed out a soft, resigned laugh, set his phone down, and buried his face in his hands. He took three deep breaths, then picked the phone up.  _Not bad, babe. You?_  He dropped the phone back down and put his hands back to his face. There was a bit more of a pause than he’d been expecting before the phone beeped again.  _Yeah. Miss you._  And Danny’s heart was doing funny things again.  _Miss you too. No one to make me coffee_. Danny saw the smirk in his head, even before the return message, which was simply a smiley face. He sighed and got up to put the coffee on.

Grace had said she wanted to go for a run in the morning, and Danny had agreed to go with her, so he skipped his shower, and curled up on the sofa with his coffee to wait for her to get up. He let his mind drift, but steered it away from the especially dangerous rocky areas, and by the time Grace came out to sit with him, he was feeling more than a little sea sick.

“Hey, Danno, you’re up early,” Grace mumbled as she curled up against him.

He smoothed her hair and sighed. “Yeah, monkey. I’ve been getting up earlier than usual, guess I got used to it.”

He bit his tongue to keep himself from thinking about how much he hated that he didn’t get this every morning. It was one thing he would never be used to—the absolute ache over missing these daily moments. Fortunately, he quickly realized that Grace was working her way up to asking Danny something, and he was sure he knew what it was. That drew his mind firmly away from his anger, his heartbreak. He slowed his breathing and tried to clear his mind. He heard Steve saying he’d figure out what to say... to be honest. To be kind. He tried to shush the voice that wanted to yell how could he  _possibly_  be kind about what Rachel had done? He wasn’t very successful.

“Danno,” Grace began, so softly, if Danny hadn’t been listening for it, he might have missed it.

“Yeah, monkey,” he replied, and he hoped his tone was encouraging.

“You know how you always tell me to tell the truth?”

“Uh-huh,” Danny whispered.

She sighed. He hugged her, but then pulled away from her, to get her to sit up and look at him. She looked down, and he gently tilted her chin to make her face him.

“Just ask me, monkey. You can ask me anything. Ok?”

She swallowed. “Why did mommy lie about Charlie?”

Danny smiled, and took a deep breath. “Have you asked her that, monkey?” She nodded. “And what did she say?”

“She said it was to protect Charlie. But, Danno, that doesn’t make any sense. Why would she want to protect him from you?”

Danny huffed out a soft breath and tried so hard to keep the bitterness from his tone. “Not  _from_  me, monkey. But she worries, you know? About my job. She worries about how it would be for you. And she didn’t want Charlie to have that.”

“But that meant keeping him from having the good, too,” she said, plaintively.

Danny smiled, and felt a tear roll down his cheek. “Yeah, monkey, it did, didn’t it.”

“It wasn’t very nice of her.” And oh, it hurt Danny to hear the hurt in her voice. The part of him that would rather bleed than see his daughter hurt was screaming so loudly right now.

He sighed, and pulled her back into a hug, and ran his hands down her silky hair. “No, monkey, it wasn’t.”

“Danno, I’m so sorry.” And she hugged him back.

“Thank you, monkey. That means so much to me,” and they sat there like that for quite a while.

And, Danny realized, Steve had been right. Grace was so perceptive, and so loving. And Danny had been so worried. But in the end, it had been so simple and so... well, just what it needed to be. And wasn’t that just something.

Eventually they got up and went for a run, which cleared their heads and soothed their hearts. And they laughed and they joked around, and they made chocolate chip pancakes, and they spent the afternoon lazing about—reading, watching a few cartoons, talking about silly things, and just generally having one of those wonderful and too rare Sundays that always feel like they’re in muted, sunshiny slow-motion. And when it came time to drop her off, Danny felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. He held his tears till she was out of the car, then he pulled around the corner and sat there crying for a really long time.

By the time Danny pulled up to Steve’s house, he felt physically sore from emotion. He wished fleetingly that Steve had a hot tub because he felt like he needed a good long soak.

Steve met him at the door, and Danny didn’t even want to think about that, because the look on Steve’s face said more than he could have imagined, and he was being pulled into the biggest, most comforting of bear hugs, and he felt himself just collapse and give in, and thankfully Steve was strong, and he held him up, and it felt so good, and Danny realized in a wave of emotion just how symbolic that was. 

Neither of them spoke, they didn’t need to, and Danny was amazed at that, but knew he shouldn’t be. They had a whole catalog of touches that meant at least as much as words, probably more, and it reached back further, and was more comfortable and more instinctual than talking for them. So if they relied on it now, it was hardly surprising. Steve took Danny by the hand and led him upstairs. Steve’s guitar was sitting out on the bed, and he grabbed it before leading Danny out to the lanai. The bottle of whiskey and two glasses were sitting on the table, and Steve pushed Danny onto the wicker sofa, poured him a glass, pressed it into his hand, and sat down across from him and started to play.

Danny took a sip of his drink, then leaned back, and exhaled out some of the day’s hurt. The song was bubbly but soft, and felt soothing in much the same way Steve’s presence did—it kind of pushed at him, gentle but firm, persistent, and he felt it hold him up, like Steve had. Danny liked to think he enjoyed music, was knowledgeable about it, even. But he didn’t tend to be all that emotional about it, which, if you think about it, was kind of odd. But when Steve played, it was completely different. It went directly to Danny’s emotions. He didn’t process it intellectually, he didn’t think about it, he didn’t try to name it or rate it or categorize it, he just  _felt_  it. And that, he admitted, was probably why he was growing so very fond of it.

It was a short song, and when Steve finished, Danny felt a little bereft, and Steve evidently could tell, because he started playing the song he’d played the first time. Danny sat back, having taken another sip and set his drink down, and he let the tears just fall.

When Steve finished, he set his guitar down, but he didn’t move. “You don’t have to talk about it tonight, Danny,” he said softly.

Danny sighed. “I just don’t even know.” He wiped the tears away with both hands. “It’s been one hell of a weekend.”

“Yeah, buddy?” And Danny felt the question in Steve’s tone, before he asked it. “More than the others?” He paused, as if he wasn’t sure he wanted to ask the other part of that question. “Why is that, do you think?”

Danny felt a moment of annoyance that Steve needed to ask. Wasn’t it completely obvious? But at the same time, he owed it to Steve to be honest about it. And, he had Steve to thank for getting him to finally start facing things, dealing with things, releasing them. Something. “Because, babe,” and his breath hitched, and he felt the tears begin to form again. “Because of you. Because of us. Because of this. Making me pay attention, think about it, deal with it, talk about it.” He sighed. “I’ve been avoiding it, ignoring it, pushing it under the rug. I can do that when it’s just me.” (The “and Melissa” didn’t really need to be said, but still it hung there, like a big stupid flashing light.) He took a deep breath. “But, ignoring it was really dragging me down.” And that was all he was going to be able to say, and the tears fell silently, and Steve got up and came to sit next to him, and held him, and rocked him gently, and rubbed his shoulder, and kissed the top of his head, and just held him, and Danny simply took the comfort and let it wash over him.

Eventually, Danny felt collected enough to try and get a little something out of Steve, because he knew that time with Chin and Kono (who were really close at the moment), combined with time alone (which was hard on Steve at the best of times), would not have been the best recipe for Steve’s state of mind. Add to that Steve’s rather emotional focus on Danny’s own crap, and he wasn’t sure how it would all play out in Steve’s head.

“So, how’d you do, babe, on your own?”

Steve stilled at the question. Danny almost thought he was going to deny it being an issue, but then Steve looked at him, and he clearly saw something in Danny's eyes, a challenge, perhaps, and he slumped a little. “Not awful?” He said softly. “I kept busy. Laundry, cleaning, swimming, surfing, I did some prep and cooking for the week, I practiced....” He paused, and Danny almost thought he saw tears fighting in Steve’s eyes. “I missed you.”

Danny couldn’t help it, he grinned and leaned into Steve. “I missed you, too.”

“Hey... where’s my gift from the aquarium?”

Danny saw the distraction for what it was, but he laughed. “Ahhh,” he said, getting up, reluctantly. “I’ll go get it.”

When he came back out, Steve had put the guitar away, poured more whiskey for them both, and was stretched out on the wicker sofa like a contented cat. Danny handed him the mug, inside the aquarium bag. “Grace picked it out,” he warned.

Steve pulled the mug out, and the grin that spread across his face was ridiculous. “That is fantastic,” he exclaimed. “I’ll be sure and thank her.” He set the mug down and held out his hand for Danny to sit back down. “You get anything, buddy?”

Danny bit his lip to cover the blush he knew was threatening to break out on his cheeks, and looked down. “Just a tee shirt, Charlie picked it out. I, uh, left it at the house.”

Steve squinted at Danny, but didn’t say anything else.

Returning to his original line of questioning, Danny said: “So... you sleep ok without me?” And, ok, maybe that wasn’t the best way to bring the topic up, but it kind of was the heart of the matter, and well, that was saying a whole lot right there, wasn’t it. And maybe that had been the right tactic after all, because Danny knew right away that Steve wasn’t going to deny it.

“No, not really,” he whispered.

And, Danny wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but it wasn’t quite that level of honesty. “Babe,” he started, and his heart, oh, his heart. He swallowed, and got Steve to look in his eyes, and he gasped when he saw there really were tears there. “Hey, hey, hey, babe....” Danny grabbed for Steve’s hands, and tried to maintain that eye contact, because there was something there and he wanted so badly to get at it.

Steve licked his lips, and pressed them together, but let the tears roll down his cheeks. “I really didn’t like the house being empty again,” he said, simply. And, yeah, it was simple, but oh, it was so packed with layers of issues and meaning and just,  _ugh_... and Danny had been so occupied with his own crap over the weekend, he had not realized fully just what an empty house symbolized to Steve. But it made so much sense. Not just that without someone to make noise, someone to distract him—someone, Danny realized, for Steve to care for—not just that without that, Steve’s inner/outer/control issues would rear up and demand attention (which explained why he'd kept so busy), but also, ghosts are always so much louder without someone else in the house. Danny knew that one only too well. Pushing aside being angry with himself for not having seen just how hard having the house empty for even one night would be on Steve, Danny forced himself back to the moment. 

He wanted, really wanted, to get more out of Steve. “Do you want to talk about it, babe?” And he hoped it wouldn’t spook Steve, hoped that after all the crying Danny had done the past few days—and which Steve had handled so wonderfully—that it meant Steve had made some progress in terms of simply being more comfortable with the expression of emotions, which, Danny wasn’t kidding himself, was something Steve just had not had a lot of exposure to. But Steve had surprised Danny with how amazing he'd been, helping Danny with his issues, so he was beginning to feel rather hopeful that it might translate to Steve being able to face his own. In an attempt to lighten the tone, he added: “You’ve certainly listened to me enough the past few days....”

Steve laughed through his tears at that, and shook his head. “I don’t know, Danny. I don’t know.” And he looked down at his hands in Danny’s, and squeezed. “I’m really not used to talking about that stuff. I’m not sure I know how.” And he sounded so plaintive, so lost, Danny’s heart ached.

Danny held his hands firmly, but didn’t make him look in his eyes. “You've done great with me," he pointed out. "Just... start talking,” Danny whispered, and it felt just a little like when he was trying to get Grace to ask about Charlie. “Tell me anything.”

Steve sighed, nodded, and pulled Danny against him, leaning back into the sofa. He sniffled a little, sighed again, and then drew in a deep breath, and Danny could tell he was about to speak. “I did ok during the day. Like I said, I kept busy. But, at night,” and he swallowed. “At night, the house was so quiet.” He shook his head, and Danny tried to snuggle protectively against him, reminding him that he was here now. “It was almost loud with who isn’t here anymore.” He sighed. “And I don’t just mean Deb and Dad, though, God, that’s enough,” and he choked slightly on that jagged emotion, and Danny knew Steve had a lot more mourning to do before it would smooth out, and he wasn’t at all sure how to help him with that. “But Mary... and Joanie. And I feel so stupid complaining to you about that, but I really liked having them here. It was nice, you know? Having a kid in the house? And having Mary here. It’s... well, not like it was, but kind of?”

“Oh, babe,” Danny started. “First of all, it’s not stupid, please do not ever say that, ok? Regardless of my crap, you are completely entitled to your own, alright? Absolutely. Never doubt that, ok?” Steve nodded. “Ok.” And Danny gave Steve a squeeze. “And, that totally makes sense, that having Mary here would be... comforting. She’s a link to your past, babe. And, no matter what else has come since then, that will always be true. It’s ok to crave that.” Steve sniffled again, and Danny wondered again if seeing Chin and Kono as close as they were right now hadn’t rubbed that a bit raw for Steve.

Evidently it had. “It was harder than usual, watching Chin and Kono,” he said, softly, tentatively. “They’re really supporting each other right now, and it’s so amazing to watch, but it... it stings. Mary and I just don’t have that kind of bond. We might have, if we’d had more time, I don’t know. Maybe we wouldn’t. It wasn’t exactly the family goal.”

“And, babe,” Danny soothed, “that’s ok too. It’s ok that it’s different, it’s ok to regret that it’s not something else. It’s all ok, you don’t have to have it all figured out, but, it helps to admit it.” He sighed. “I still have absolutely no idea how to deal with all this crap.... But knowing you’ll listen.... It helps. So much.”

“Yeah?” And Steve sounded so hopeful at that, it went straight to Danny’s heart. Not for the first time, Danny wondered just how much being useful, being _needed_ , was a huge thing for Steve—as much as being counted as being important enough to  _stay_  for. A small voice inside Danny’s head offered that Danny certainly needed Steve a whole lot, that was becoming brilliantly clear. Danny sighed, partly to clear that voice.

“Yeah, babe,” he smiled tenderly. “Absolutely.”

“I’m glad,” Steve said softly. And he looked so exhausted. “Can we just go to bed? We can talk more later... but... I think I just need....” And Steve couldn’t quite finish that thought, but Danny was fairly sure he knew what he meant.

“Yeah, of course.” And Danny stood and offered his hand to Steve, who smiled so sweetly at the gesture, Danny’s heart really couldn’t take much more.

And, as Danny had guessed, what Steve needed was cuddling. As soon as they were both in bed, Steve pulled Danny to him, and it was almost like he’d been holding something in, waiting for this, and Danny could just feel the tension seeping off Steve, and maybe seeping wasn’t quite the right word, it was more like a wave receding... it was powerful, it was tangible, and it was immediate. His breathing slowed, his posture relaxed, and Danny swore he could hear Steve’s mind calm. Danny’s thoughts fled back to that list of touches that Steve needed, and bumped the quantity up by rather a large number, and once again found himself thinking that leaving Steve alone was not something to do lightly.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Steve sighed. And Danny had an odd thought.

“Babe,” he started. “You didn’t doubt that I’d come back, did you?” And Steve stiffened, and stopped breathing. Danny swore silently and kicked himself. “Oh, babe.” He knew better than to try to look in those hazel eyes, knew it would make it harder on Steve, but he had to. This. Oh, Danny just wanted to punch something. Very gently, he pulled away from Steve’s grasp, and he knew Steve was panicking because he fought back. “Babe,” Danny repeated, softly, with as much warmth as he could. “Babe, I need you to look at me, ok?” Steve sighed, nodded, and let Danny go. “Hey.” Danny reached up and held the sides of Steve’s face. “I am not going to leave you, ok? Ever. I will always come back to you, ok? You need to believe that. I need you to know that. Always. Ok?” Steve nodded slightly, but the look on his face was so heartbreaking, Danny really hated it. “I love you,” he said, probably more firmly and even angrily than the words deserved. “You know I love you, you know I won’t ever leave you. We have to both know that, above all else, ok? It’s the heart of everything.” Steve nodded, and pulled Danny back to him, and they held each other very tightly, and it seemed a little bit like something was shifting, but they were both too dizzy with emotion to notice. And, if Danny could have heard himself, he might have begun to figure something out, about himself, and about Steve, but he was so focused on the man next to him, all he knew was he was speaking the truth, truth that Steve could not let himself believe, truth Danny needed Steve to accept. Truth that Danny already knew in his heart.... It was just a question of when his mind would catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well! Anyone who is still with me, I can't believe we've made it this far! Thank you so much for your comments and thoughts, I absolutely adore getting them. :-)
> 
> So, part five, the next week (five chapters, Monday to Friday), is done. It just needs a little polishing. I am hoping to start posting it early next week... but I'm going to do every other day rather than every day, like I did with part three, so apologies to anyone who wants to wait and read the whole thing once it's all up.


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